Why I made this blog? I really don’t know. I went to the bus stop with my girlfriend one morning. When I was returning back after leaving her for her office I lit a cigarette and recalling the subject matter of our last argument. A particular phrase stuck to my mind and I started thinking about other relative things. Several issues kept coming and I kept thinking about all those. When I reached home there were many things in my mind which I wanted to share with others. I forgot about last argument, I forgot to sleep; I was only thinking and finishing the packet of cigarette. I really wanted to write down the every single things coming in my mind so that those can be saved for the sake of my future. Then I thought, what’s the benefit? No one is going to read my bogus and boring writing. These will hardly be noticed by anyone and one day I, myself would forget about this morning and all these thoughts. Then suddenly the idea of blog came to my mind. It suits my condition. Here I can write whatever I wish to without any difficulty, no matter what and how bad I am writing. Fuck off all those who don’t care my thoughts and think this is nothing but another addition of madness in my bogus and boring life.
Today, I am somewhat happy that not much people know about my blog and hardly anyone reads it, because today, I am writing here those things which I can’t tell anyone and also can’t put inside me. It’s really painful. I don’t know whether I am doing the right thing or not but I am really unable to stop myself from sharing my inner feelings here as I have no other means. After all, it’s my blog and my own space. Fuck you all off who think, this is not the right place to express inner pain.
I couldn’t go to my home this year in durga Puja. Neither could I celebrate Durga Puja here in Delhi. I couldn’t go to my home not just because I have joined a company last month and didn’t get leave. There are some other things also which forced me to decide against my will. Actually, no one from my family called me there until it was very late and I got the job. My friends were planning there leave from much before so they were all gone, including my girl friend. But they called me a few times, to say, they missed me there. And I was busy here in my newly joined office and was creating POs from 9 to 6.
Before moving ahead, I must admit here that I am not very touchy about religion and love to be called an atheist. So don’t get any wrong impression about my character when I am repeating the word Durga Puja again and again. Durga Puja is not only a Puja to me and I believe this is true for many people. It means Sound of Dhaak, Durga Murti, Pandal, Lighting, Prasad, Thousands of people on the roads, New Dress, Reunion of lost Friends, Foreign Liquor, Bikes, Photographs, Girls, Egg Roll, Late Nights, Sex Talks, Fights, Dance, Childish Emotions and many more things.
Every Bengali was waiting for this Durga Puja. It came and now it’s over. But Puja came at a bad time this year. Or I can say my whole family went through very bad time during this Puja and no one could feel that it was really Puja. I was missing everything here and was cursing my luck and my Maa is bed ridden for last one week and is seriously ill there. Whenever I am calling home, she wants to talk to me but she can hardly utter words and I am not getting many of her words because her voice is too weak. But I can hear her cry clearly. I can’t recall when I have heard my Maa mentioning her sufferance so strongly last time. Has she ever cried like this before? I really can’t recall. I want to be with her and share her pain but I can’t. My Father’s leg has been swollen and is causing him severe pain and as a result he is also unable to walk properly. Churda is in very bad condition, I can understand. Calling doctors, getting medical tests done, changing medicines, cooking, performing daily Puja, taking care of Maa and Babu and after doing all these, must be thinking of, talking with and trying to manage some time for his girl friends and friends. He has surely sacrificed some great parties with his friends during Puja but I have heard that these duties couldn’t resist him from performing his scheduled Puja Special Fights and he has executed some wonderful punches and kicks twice during the Puja. Heads off to you BigB, you are really doing some great job. Honestly, I really don’t think I would ever be able to manage all these tasks so nicely. Thank You very much Churda.
I am missing you all. I love you all very much. Please Maa, don’t cry and get well soon and let me know as early as possible, when you are going to buy a new Saree with the money your worthless son sent to you from his first official salary…… I Promise you Maa, we all will surely be together in next Puja.
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